No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
