my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
