I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im holly from the hills drunk
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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