you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize