Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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