Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
