Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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