He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
