Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
