Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
