My liver just broke up with me...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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