Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
