the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
