So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
