.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
