I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
