Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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