ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
