I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
