You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
