"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
