my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
