there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
