my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You can't special order awesome
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
