You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
