Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
