Dude my mom stole all your condoms
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
