one two three fourrrrnication!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize