How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
