There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
