They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
