did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
