we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
