Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
