Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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