I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
