Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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