Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
