Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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