When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
