In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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