he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
