Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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