that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
