i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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