You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
