the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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