We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
