Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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