some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
