is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
