Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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