I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
