Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
