Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
