ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
