I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
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