Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I need water and some morals
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
