She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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