Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
