i think i have herpe
just one?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
