My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I touched a dick in church today
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
