I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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