You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We're too hungover to prance.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
