Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
