true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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