it's too hot outside to masturbate.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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