Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Moan for me like Helen Keller
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
