I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
