went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
