It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
