Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
