That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
