who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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