That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Green mimosas i think yes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
