i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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