Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just had sex on a roof
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I came so hard my ears popped.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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