i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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