One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
