Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
