R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
did i walk over a car last night?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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