It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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