I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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