dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
