she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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