You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
