somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
