Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
